Aint my first ever blog.

so,

they say blogging is fun. and thats the reason why i started blogging once again. i had a bad experience about it before. 

back in 2008, i thought i would say that i was popular in my department at school. alot of people wanted to know more about me. even though they didnt say that to my face but i could see it in their eyes. the way they whispered behind my back, talked smoothly next to me, i just knew it. i knew that they wanted to know "what on earth is Poshh up to?"

looking at others, and even in the movies, people blog and they get alot of attention from it. i was even told by one of the local DJs - "blogging is the trend now. its like, every DJ needs to have a blog nowadays." I dont know how true that is, but yeahh.

and then i started blogging during that time. i had to admit, i was well-known. everybody started to be friendly to me and talked about my blog. EVERYTHING that i wrote was an issue. people would wanna know who i wrote about and why. they even wanted me to talk about them. HAHA.

until one day, where i made an irreversible mistake. i wouldnt say that i regreted so much for doing it, it just made me a bitch. but i didnt mind that much after all. i started talking about the students there at my school. i bitch about them without stating their names. i labelled them - which i think is even worse. HAHA. but hey, i even talked about the lecturers there. thank God, none of what i wrote was forwarded to the lecturers. or else, i would be dead and gone already. when people found out what i did to my blog, they started to isolate me. they started saying that i was a bitch especially on the part that i talk shit about one of my closest friend at school. i didnt really care to be honest. at least she knew about how i felt right? :)

and yeah, after the truth of me talking shit about people came out, people isolated me. even people from the other departments knew about it. i did feel sad, stupid, regretful and for the most part lonely. i did feel like quitting school, i did feel like failing. i even went to see my favourite lecturer and she adviced me to call upon everyone and take the opportunity to apologize. and of course, the ego side of me took place and i didnt do it. i didnt take the OPPORTUNITY. and so i had to take the consequences - being left out alone. and when i asked myself why didnt i do it, it was because i was embarrassed. embarrassed of what i had done and to admit that i did it. an doing it IN PUBLIC was even an embarrassment. and so, to cope up with the problem, i just kept on being silent. and let the problem flew away. it did - although people got stucked with the thought still. whatever.

i also have to thank my boyfriend for being supportive to this bitchy, big mouth, demanding and commanding girl of him. im loud, im beautiful, im bitchy, im sexayy and most importantly, I BLOG. so, lets play a game. nothing similar to my past okay. i blog to diary my routine.

hayloo world :)