Netball. My First Ever Sports Experience.

im not the best sports-lady. im not an athlete. and im certain that im not a star at sports. but i do wanna be one.

my friend is quite a sportsperson. i think its the influence from him that made me decide upon this.

my first experience of Netball was at UBD sportscentre. the people of my team were very nice and friendly. although i had to study the sports myself by asking around and actually doint it, i found that, being a newbie was abit hard. there wasnt a one-on-one traning. i was simply picked to take part and then be independent at court. but yeah, ive learnt. i want more.

Netball,be good to me please. i wanna be your star :)

Blog For Yourself. Not For Others. Not To Show Off. Get That Right, Please?

life is already boring enough if from time to time you're trying to convince people to like you, or if you're trying to impress others. for me, life is all about you. it's you who make decisions, make developments and motivations in order that we achieve our life goals. im quite certain that none of one in this world would constantly want to impress others for nothing right? it's like you're kissing ass - im sure you dont wanna be labelled like that, right? unless you're a so-called self-proclaimed ohh-i-think-everybody-thinks-about-me. 

i used to blog for others. i've had blogs in the past, which ive totally forgotten the addresses and password, that i intended for the purpose of showing off or even to be popular. but i have come to a point in my life where i know what i want in my life. so i guess, new bloggers should blog for a purpose. 

my purpose? to kill time and to improve my English writing.

I Already Have Him. Isn't That Already Good Enough?

yes. its already good enough. but here's the issue right now. i stil feel lonely at times - especially when He's at work. He works as an Army in the navy and at this stage of his profession, he has alot of things to be done, like trainings and stuff. yes, im trying to understand and all of that, but i guess i just need time to adapt.

i dont wna be scandalous. no, i dont. enough of what i'v had at Gaydong. enough of all that type of drama :)

all this will go away when i get a job. for sure. its just the lonely side of the story that sucks. please, youuuu. get away. i love my boyfriend so much :)

Life when He is not around.

im graduating this May. and currently i am not doing anything. for the past days, i have trying to entertain myself. buying DVDs, watching movies, going out with friends. but all these, require money. and im broke. i tried joining Netball, but it is not a daily thing. so by the end of the day, im bored.

He is working in the Army. he has alot of things to do. and to some point, my time with him is limited. i dont wna feel it, but i feel lonely when im not around with him. i know that he always tries his best to find space and time for me, but what is it with me that is too much?

i always want him. if possible, i want him at all times. but i gotta understand and still trying to understand his work.

sigh.

i need a job :(

was told - a student who is doing his Masters education is doing research on 'Gay Community in Brunei - something to be aware of'

i believe that one should mind their own business. whether or not one is gay, that should be of their own business.

if say that these kinds of education is so full of moral values and ethics, one should take the iniative of bringing out the ideas on how to demolish this practice - not to identify Gay and why Gay is happening - we know that, dont have to say it in your papers bitch. i say that this Gay thing is a practice and not a problem because it is something that comes from within. it can be altered but after a very deep adjustments.
this is certainly not a problem.

if a glass is broken, can we do something about it? oh yes we can. we can reassemble the pieces and glue them togther. but can we still use it to drink a glass of water? of course not. the water would spill or in the worst case, the glass will be broken again.

same with the Gays. we were born to become gay not because we want to, but because of the socialisation and surroundings in the past or present. influence, bad or not, also plays a role here. yes, we can be changed, we can be directed, but when being flambouyant has become a habit, we become the broken pieces. and thats when all gays should come together as one and stand up for their rights. and when gays are filled togther with the society, everybody should be treated the same - although this is not the case. Gays have the tools to live, its just a matter of how smart he can use it and live up to it :)

Britney's new single - come on Gays, sing it :)

Britney Spears - Hold It Against Me :)

I read an article before, or could it possibly that i heard it from some famous person, that 90% of the gay community loves Britney Spears :)

Aint my first ever blog.

so,

they say blogging is fun. and thats the reason why i started blogging once again. i had a bad experience about it before. 

back in 2008, i thought i would say that i was popular in my department at school. alot of people wanted to know more about me. even though they didnt say that to my face but i could see it in their eyes. the way they whispered behind my back, talked smoothly next to me, i just knew it. i knew that they wanted to know "what on earth is Poshh up to?"

looking at others, and even in the movies, people blog and they get alot of attention from it. i was even told by one of the local DJs - "blogging is the trend now. its like, every DJ needs to have a blog nowadays." I dont know how true that is, but yeahh.

and then i started blogging during that time. i had to admit, i was well-known. everybody started to be friendly to me and talked about my blog. EVERYTHING that i wrote was an issue. people would wanna know who i wrote about and why. they even wanted me to talk about them. HAHA.

until one day, where i made an irreversible mistake. i wouldnt say that i regreted so much for doing it, it just made me a bitch. but i didnt mind that much after all. i started talking about the students there at my school. i bitch about them without stating their names. i labelled them - which i think is even worse. HAHA. but hey, i even talked about the lecturers there. thank God, none of what i wrote was forwarded to the lecturers. or else, i would be dead and gone already. when people found out what i did to my blog, they started to isolate me. they started saying that i was a bitch especially on the part that i talk shit about one of my closest friend at school. i didnt really care to be honest. at least she knew about how i felt right? :)

and yeah, after the truth of me talking shit about people came out, people isolated me. even people from the other departments knew about it. i did feel sad, stupid, regretful and for the most part lonely. i did feel like quitting school, i did feel like failing. i even went to see my favourite lecturer and she adviced me to call upon everyone and take the opportunity to apologize. and of course, the ego side of me took place and i didnt do it. i didnt take the OPPORTUNITY. and so i had to take the consequences - being left out alone. and when i asked myself why didnt i do it, it was because i was embarrassed. embarrassed of what i had done and to admit that i did it. an doing it IN PUBLIC was even an embarrassment. and so, to cope up with the problem, i just kept on being silent. and let the problem flew away. it did - although people got stucked with the thought still. whatever.

i also have to thank my boyfriend for being supportive to this bitchy, big mouth, demanding and commanding girl of him. im loud, im beautiful, im bitchy, im sexayy and most importantly, I BLOG. so, lets play a game. nothing similar to my past okay. i blog to diary my routine.

hayloo world :)